Your portfolio. Roasted in under a minute.
Upload your holdings and get a brutally funny breakdown of your concentration, timing, diversification, and overall trading degeneracy.
Entertainment and education only. Not financial advice.
Roast score
87 / 100
What to expect
Fast by design
Your first roast is built to land in under a minute, not after a ten-step onboarding maze.
Funny, not fake
Specific commentary tied to the holdings you submit—never canned praise or invented performance claims.
Private by default
You decide whether a Roast Card leaves your screen. Public sharing and leaderboards are always opt-in.
Scan. Squirm. Share.
A reality check with better punchlines.
Roastfolio turns raw holdings into a useful diagnosis wrapped in finance-meme energy.
- 01
Upload the evidence
Drop in a brokerage CSV or portfolio screenshot. No live account connection is required to get your first roast.
- 02
Get the brutal breakdown
Roastfolio examines concentration, diversification, meme-stock exposure, risky bets, and suspiciously heroic timing.
- 03
Share the damage
Turn the verdict into a punchy Roast Card with a score that is ready to screenshot, post, or send to a friend.
The weekly re-roast
Find out whether you learned anything.
Re-scan to follow your Roast Score over time, spot changes in risk, and celebrate rare moments of restraint—like three whole weeks without a meme stock.
Pricing
Choose your level of humiliation.
Start free. Upgrade when one weekly intervention is no longer enough.
Free Roast
For the cautiously curious.
$0 forever
- One roast each week
- Basic Roast Score
- Shareable Roast Card
- CSV and screenshot upload
Roastfolio Pro
For repeat offenders and recovering YOLO traders.
$9 / month
- Unlimited on-demand re-roasts
- Deeper diversification and risk breakdowns
- Roast Score history and trends
- Savage, gentle, and coach tones
- Weekly change notifications
Before you upload
Fair questions. Straight answers.
Your watchlist is nervous
Ready to face your financial decisions?
Upload your holdings, meet your Roast Score, and get the wake-up call your group chat is too polite to deliver.
Roast my portfolio